local — almost 2 month...- a message from the porn-room

so yeah, I've neglected you. I've been trying to get back to you, love you, share w/you, but...apparently I'm still the semi-self-centered bastard that you think you kow...just like you like it.

 

unlocal — good OLD jizz - UK - A British woman faces a landmark legal battle over her dead husband's sperm after a ruling it may have been illegally removed from his body.

A family judge in Preston said he wasn't satisfied that it is possible to lawfully take sperm from a dead person who hadn't given prior consent.

The 42-year-old woman won court permission to have the sperm removed from her husband's body just hours after he died from complications of a routine appendectomy.

The woman, whose name is being withheld, told the court she and her husband had discussed having another child.

She charges her human rights are being violated by not being allowed to do so.

 

more unlocal — Massive Catfight Leads to Tit Bite, Tetanus Shot, Five Arrest - (KEEP YOUR EYE ON EVERYONES AGE) 08/09/2008; NY-- State Troopers Tim Gawronski and Gary Nuessle, along with several Wayne County Sheriff's Deputies, responded to a reported fight between five females at the apartment building at 8364 Ridge Road in Sodus on Thursday at 8:59 p.m. According to police, an ongoing feud erupted when a mother and daughter team attempted to enter an apartment.

During the melee that followed, Maybelle Currington, age 47, of Apartment # 2 reportedly bit Kristy L. Holtby, age 33, in the breast and stomach. An ambulance was called and it was determined Holtby now needs to get a tetanus shot.

Maybelle was charged with Assault in the 3rd Degree, Rioting in the 2nd Degree, and Disorderly Conduct.

Latoya Smith, Maybelle's daughter residing on Apartment 4 , was charged with Rioting in the 2nd Degree and Disorderly Conduct.

Maybelle's daughter, Linda G. Currington, age 18, also of Apartment 2 , was charged with Rioting in the 2nd Degree and Disorderly Conduct.

In the other corner, Holtby of Apartment 3 was charged with Rioting in the 2nd Degree and Disorderly Conduct.

Dajuawna S. Strongs, age 16, Holtby's daughter, also residing in Apartment 3 was charged with Rioting in the 2nd Degree, Harassment in the 2nd Degree and Disorderly Conduct.

 

 

amtarded — IN THE FREEZER!?!??! - Md.- A neighbor whose 911 call led authorities to the discovery of child-sized human remains in a freezer described the suspect as "frazzled." Meanwhile, the state successfully petitioned for custody of the girl Tuesday afternoon.

"She didn't seem like all her pieces were there," Phillip Garrett said of his one encounter with Renee Bowman.

Bowman told police that child-sized human remains uncovered in her basement freezer were those of her two adopted daughters, and police in Calvert County believe that she is responsible for their deaths.

Authorities said they found the remains Saturday as they were investigating a report of an injured child.

Bowman, 43, told deputies that the remains had been frozen since at least February, according to a press release by sheriff's Lt. Bobby Jones and detective Sgt. Michael Moore Jr.

Jones and Moore said the Medical Examiner's Office asked that the entire freezer be brought to Baltimore so the evidence could be removed.

"We have reason to believe that's the two children in the freezer," Jones said. "We believe that the mother, who adopted the two children, is responsible for it."

Police said that Bowman told them she had put the bodies of the two girls in a freezer and encased them in ice. She told police when she moved from Rockville to Calvert County, she took the freezer with the bodies in it with her.

The girls would be 9 and 11.

The sheriff's office said a third girl was found by investigators Saturday after escaping from a locked bedroom by jumping out the window.

Garrett found the girl walking barefoot on a gravel road in a blood-soaked T-shirt. He said she was covered in bruises.

"There wasn't one spot that didn’t have a bruise. From her legs to her arms, the back of her neck to her head to her face. And she said, 'My mother beats me to death, and she kicked me out of the house. She locked me out,'" Garrett said.

Charging documents showed the girl was going door to door to try to save her own life.

Garrett, 21, who lives two houses down from Bowman, said he brought the girl to a neighbor's house, called 911 and ordered her a pizza. She indicated she had last eaten on Tuesday when her father was at the home, said Garrett, who realized he had met her mother once and described her as "frazzled."

The release by Jones and Moore said Bowman told investigators she beat the 8-year-old with a "hard-heeled shoe."

Bowman was charged with child abuse in connection with that girl, Jones and Moore said. She may also be facing murder charges in connection with the bodies found in the freezer.

According to court papers, the child that escaped told investigators her mother had beaten her sisters and that one day they just didn't come back.

The girl had open sores and lesions on her buttocks and lower thighs, marks on her neck made by a cord, rope or other item and bruises on her hands and lips, police said.

Bowman told police she didn't take the little girl to get medical treatment because she knew what she did was wrong and didn't want to get in trouble. She told detectives she was out of control, that she needed help and that she no longer wanted custody of her daughter.

Detectives said when they pressed her on why she beat her daughter regularly and locked her in a room with no food or water, she answered that "she was angry over her daughter's mental capacity and that she was stressed out."

The girl is currently in a hospital. The Maryland Department of Human Resources planned to petition the court Tuesday to gain custody and then place her in "an especially nurturing, carefully selected foster family," said Nancy Lineman, an agency spokeswoman.

Bowman has been ordered held without bond.

Sheriff Mike Evans said the surviving girl was never enrolled in Calvert County Schools and that no trouble had ever been reported at the house.

Charging documents showed that the girl had been living with Bowman since 2004 and had been abused most of that time. Authorities said Bowman was a foster mother to all three girls before adopting them from Washington, D.C. According to Washington officials, Bowman cleared an FBI background check when she adopted the children in 2001 and 2004.

The Department of Human Resources said it has no records to indicate that the department had any involvement with Bowman's family in terms of child-protective services, Lineman said. But the agency has ordered an immediate review of statewide records.

Evans said Bowman had a boyfriend who was cooperating with investigators. The boyfriend was a potential witness, but Evans would not comment on whether he was a suspect. He said the man did not live with Bowman and was not a father to her children.

 

more amtarded — I BET it stunk too - Va. — A man has been charged with battery on a police officer for allegedly passing gas and fanning it toward a patrolman.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, W. Va., was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

'I couldn't hold it no more'
Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."

 

local — the teakettle dance - how to get 4 teakettles in a week & not buy 1 of them...

the first, thing, which is VERY important...you have to have a castle/dojo.

if you do NOT have a castle/dojo, then STOP reading, because the shit won't work AT ALL!!

ok, despite of what all of my mage, wizard, warlock, sorcerer, & Thayan friends are screaming @ me...I'm going to tell you how to produce the magic, but be aware it may NOT work for you.

so, first thing you do is have a party @ your castle/dojo. whereas you will have to invite...yes...the normal people, but the trick is, you CHARGE them to come in.

so, they'll bring gifts, & food, & money, & gift cards, &...& even a fuckin' Black Hills Spruce that will grow, on average, to be 40'T & 16'W!!!!

oh, AND you have to kow GN's parents, AND they have to consider you to be their son...if this isn't already in place...NONE of this will work.

castle/dojo, GN's parents, you're their son...or magic no worky.

ok, so you have this party, you get shit, now you go & buy shit on other's givings.

(teakettle #1) - so, I go to a store...BeddyBedBed...& I buy a teakettle, because...well my other one rusted on the inside...& THAT is the secret of how I made my tea "so fresh" for the certain people that always asked me.

so I get this one...& I'm happy about it.

until I get to me castle/dojo & find that there is a flaw to the design...I can't have that...so I take it back.

"yeah, see that?? no likey. now please your Baron."

"sorry, sir. please get something else."

(teakettle #2) - so, like I said, I liked this one, so I got another one. checked to make sure no jagged pieces of metal were going to stab my holy clown punching hand & took it to my castle/dojo.

fired up the nordic sacrificial stove & prepared for some oatfuckin'meal of greaterness. then, when the whistle blew...I grabbed the handle...& it burned my holy hand!!!!

"THIS IS NOT A HEAT RESISTANT HANDLE!!!! THE FUCKIN' BOX LIES!!!!"

(teakettle #3) - so I take that one back...mind you, I haven't spent a dime...

"yes, sir."

"this handle is not heat resistant."

"really."

"it burned me, w/steam damage."

"sorry, would you like another on."

"not of this kind, no. I will find better."

so, I find one that costs more gold than the previous (which would mean I would have to pay some), BUT there was a glorious faux pas on BeddyBedBed's part...two price tags...

"this is the one I want."

"ok, great, glad you found one you like."

(wait...wait...wait for it...)

"it will cost $this.much."

"hmmmmm, I thought it would cost $this.much, because of this price tag."

"oh."

"yeah."

"let me..."

she goes to the BeddyBedBed's manager, who looks @ me & smiles (because I bring glee to people's hearts), "give it to him for the lesser price."

& I think...hmmmmmm, her lands are saved from being raped & pillaged.

so THAT allows me to get an even more expensive teakettle for less than I should have.

back to the castle/dojo...

(teakettle #4) - while talking to SFH, I let her hear the new Ghost Kettle.

I don't know if it was @ this point or earlier...when I was burning my ear off...but I would like to think it was while I was talking to SFH...my nordic pyre of a stove melted a part of the Ghost Kettle. MELTED!!!!

so...being the God of Returns that I am...

"yes, I'm returning this teakettle."

this time. they didn't even look, "just get what you want."

got another one, and walked out. still haven't paid a dime.

 

unlocal — updating this soon

amtarded — the blonde vs the brunette (if you can figure this out...this really could go into sports too) - some of you remember me going to see the Nun & having an amtarded time in Vegas...

some of you...don't.

some of you, who kow me, will remember my befuddlement there & when I got back, but the trip was balanced w/my new found friends - The Dean of Mean, The Pit Bull, & The Crippler...but PLEASE don't forget Freddy.

here is a conversation that Freddy & I had in the Pink Taco...I remembered it yesterday & laughed my ass off @ how it is not until the END that I say more than ONE word.

while Freddy & I are sitting DIRECTLY across the table from two chics we JUST met that night...

"which one you digging?"

"her..."

"the blonde one?"

"yeah."

" yeah she is hot. but what about the other one?"

"YEAH."

"but you would want the blonde one first?"

"well..."

"see, man, pussy is pussy."

"yeah."

"dudes get all caught up in blondes and shit, but really, that brunette chick is HOT, you know."

"definitely."

"I mean, really, she'll probably be the better fuck out of the two."

"her?"

"YEAH, the one with the brown hair. people think it is always the blonde that is hot, and the blonde that is gonna fuck you better than any of the other chicks at the table. but that is just some mythical shit man. believe me, pussy is pussy and that is all to it."

"well..."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll probably fuck both of them tonight, but I'm just saying that I'm probably going to enjoy the brunette way more than the blonde. they just think they are the shit, and ALWAYS fall short, you know."

"ok."

"but you know, that is just me. my observation and shit, you know."

"right."

"but...yeah...I'm probably gonna fuck both of them tonight. if not DEFINITELY her. "

"nice."

right then this other dude hands Freddy his ring back, "dude take your fuckin' ring."

Freddy takes in uncaring, "man." then looks at me, handing it to me, "you wanna check this shit?"

"fuck yeah!!!!"

 

local — Bob Sapp calling out Mike Tyson - how...HOW did I miss the event of Bob Sapp...AND Mike Tyson in the ring!?!?!?!?!? HOW did the world NOT end when the two of them were in the same 24 miles of each other????

this is greaterness for sure.

this is the two of them, meeting...Sapp calling Tyson out...in Vegas.

someone tell me that they haven't fought yet, PLEASE!!!!

I mean, I kow it should be happening, because Tyson has legal issues that he will have to pay for. SWEET JEZEUS LET THEM FIGHT!!!!

unlocal — Sapp doing pizza - now Sapp doing a pizza commercial ...greaterness.

detergent too - whatelse can I type!!

 

ok here we go... — so I waited until the weekend to talk about the previous previous weekend - so, I figured I would talk about the weekend that I went out every fucking night...because someone keeps asking me about my weekend and that it they always sound amazing.

this is because retarded people are amused by retarded things so THAT is why it amazes them.

really, my weekends are up in the air and have NO planning whatsoever.

the only time, aside from the obvious, that I plan shit is when Funky is wanting to do something and THAT is even fucked, because...well...she has...time issues. (maybe something about this later)

so...where do I start??

oh, I fucking kow, how about this past Friday!!

Friday - Made is leaving. WHY?? because Pete runs the shit and flies planes and rides a Harley with a stinger in his neck...THAT IS WHY.

anyways, of course I'm showing up, find the joint, stroll in and automatically get chics yelling at me from the pisser...typical.

so yeah, meet up w/Made and BeBe and UV and Roxy and Apple and Vodka and SP and Pete and BeBe's man and shit...it was last Friday...I can't remember anymore.

all I kow is that at some point of catching up with UV (which was very good to do), Roxy joins us, and we begin talking about hair removal...particularly vaginal hair removal.

ok, wait...I don't kow if you kow anyone in the laser hair removal bidness, but THAT shit has got HORROR FUCKING STORY begging to be told.

we talked about everything from hairy ones, tookus holes, smelly make you come close to vomitting ones, dude only wanting HALF of his back hair done, chics that come straight from the gym to get it done, fucking stank ass w/toilet paper lodge in the crack of it (THAT was my favorite)...whatelse??...somewhere in here Roxy makes a toast w/Jäger & RedBull, "to the hole that never heals and feels better the more you lick it!"...or something like that.

then we go outside to "the patio", but before getting out there, I grab an issue of some AWESOMENESS.

all I have to say is that the METRO is fucking GREATNESS in a published form. it takes what the Observer offers, and trims that shit down to the good shit...and has a SHITLOAD more pictures.

so, UV and Roxy and I are sitting there talking about lasers and vaginas, and I'm thumbing through this gold scroll of a publication while asking important shit like, "so, is it possible to etch into people with the laser? can you crank the power up to the point that it does that??"

right about then, we realize that we had travelled into the transexual section of the magazine and that 9PS is for "penis size", and names like Diamond, and Co-Co...were...hahhahaha, more than just retarded.

somehow this was mgical to us, like our own version of the DaVinci Code or something...later with laughed harder at how all 3 of us missed the red bar, at the top of the page, saying TRANSEXUALS!!

then Apple joined us...she is leaving...sad...like her.

but, she is off to do the do, and that is good, she will do well or be well at what she decides to do too.

 

 

fuck...tired...will post about Sat and Sun later.